Tuesday, December 5, 2006

The view from 40

Ok...I'll admit it. I've been having a mid-life crisis - for about a month.

I never thought my age would bother me. I have given out big fanfares for more people than I can count because "age is a badge of honor" "we have made it to this place in our lives".

I believed it then; I believe it now.

BUT all of the sudden - it was NOVEMBER 2006.

It snuck up on me like a laughing pixie. I noticed every grey hair (which I had thusfar refused to cover with"permanent" dye); felt every ache; felt tired when my little ones wanted to play....and felt AGED.
The weekend before my birthday was probably the height of the crisis....during the kids' nap time, instead of doing all of the things I regularly do, I sneeked up the back stairs to the master bath and pulled out the box of "emergency" hair dye" - the permanent kind.

I took a deep breath cut off the seals and colored my hair...no one even noticed. Not at home, not at work.
Then came the day....my husband had the kids sing me happy birthday...gave me a gift...had my parents watch the kids while we went to New Hope and Lambertville for the day....when we got home we had ice-cream cake with my parents and the kids. It was a very nice day, but TOTALLY ANTI-CLIMATIC.

In the week that followed I got over the crisis...realized that I didn't really feel any older than I had 20 years ago and I went back to living my normal hectic life; trying to comfort a sick husband... trying to work-from home with a sick child... making plans for the coming winter holidays... making plans to get together with friends...
But if still felt as though another shoe was about to drop --
On Thursday night my "big" present came - hubby had gotten me a new dell laptop with wifi and the upgraded battery pack...this baby can go anywhere - no wires - YAY!! Seems he thought my current home computer was a bit out-dated (I bought it in 1997).
So it was over, right?
Well, Saturday, as I was walking into a Chili contest Clark had entered - SURPRISE! Family and friends old and new had gathered.

Dad and"uncle" Jerry were playing music, many had brought food and drink, and Donna had made THE MOST INCREDIBLE/ BEAUTIFUL/ MAGICAL CAKE! It was wonderful!!!
BUT, With the way the past few years have had me flitting in and out of people's lives, I felt unworthy of all of the love, affection, and attention. And especially unworthy of the hugs the little folk - some who barely knew me - dispensed freely. But the other shoe had indeed dropped.

On Sunday evening - after an afternoon of "Simply Cook It - the home version" with a couple of friends - I was finally back to where I started, but my friend Terry expressed it so much better in an email on Monday, so I'll share her words:
As far as I'm concerned, we've worked hard to get where we are. We've more than put in the time and the effort. We've earned every year and we should all be proud.

Ok - where's the remover? I want my greys back!

No comments: