Thursday, July 5, 2007

Thoughts on Mortality

(Not morality - morTality)
"Having children can change the things you think about." -That's a no brainer you say??

Well, one day while I was driving home I think I took it to a new level.

I have a close friend who's mother died before she turned 4, her mother left not only her, but a younger brother and an infant sister as well. Within a year, my friend's father had remarried (I imagine in self-defense, it was the early 70's Mr Mom was over a decade away). My friend grew up with this new person being her mother. Her birth mother did not abandon her, was not legally separated from her, but was ripped away from her by some sort of brain hemmorage. Her maternal grandparents lived many states distant and she grew up not knowing them - it was never clear whether this was by their doing or by my friends father and new wife. Her father and "mother" did keep photo albums of her mother and momentos of her early years locked away, and the facts were NEVER allowed to be spoken.I have known this story since our college days. It has always bothered me when I've allowed myselfe to think about it. But other than the one or two times my friend needed to get it out of her system and talk it remains a secret garden - hidden/overgrown/forgotten. She has only hints of memory of her mother...more of the chaos sthat ensued after her death than any concrete memories of the person who gave her life.

My children are similar in age to 2 of the 3 left behind by this mother. My connections to them are so vibrant, but what would happen if I wasn't here any more? Would they remember the times we've snuggled for hours? Would they remember the silly faces and giggling? Would they remember how much I have loved them?

I hope those questions never need answers.

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