Celebrating 7 Years as a Mommy

My oldest son is turning 7 on Friday!
To say his birth was life-changing would be a vast understatement. I was 36 years old had been living on my own for more than ten years and in a committed, but not domestic relationship with his father (we each had our own home about 30 min apart).
Prior to the birth, I had the optomistic expectation that I'd have this baby and life would pretty much continue as normal; and that I'd deliver natrually, nurse my baby and have the time and energy during my brief (6-8 week) maternity leave to plan a "mid-summer's eve" wedding.
Well, I had a cesarean section and my breastmilk never came in. I spent several weeks/months trying to breast & bottle feed - which took most of my time and energy and never really worked anyway.
There were many times in the first two months that I looked at this little crying or cooing bundle in my arms and wondered how I'd ever survive to his adulthood.
Blessedly, he did start sleeping from about 11pm-5am at about 2 months. I took the night feeding and his daddy took the daybreak feeding and we both got enough sleep so that we had the energy in July to start to plan for a September 6 wedding. And that little angel who we shared our love and committment with on that September day, loved us so much, that he started sleeping from 7pm to 5am shortly after.
By December we figured we had the parent thing down pat and were ready to think about having another....but that's another story.

This boy has had a history of wanting very active and involved birthdays (he and his mommy that is). Two Blue's Clues parties at 3 and 4, a CARS party at 5, an INCREDIBLE Super-hero party at 6, and this year...we're doing WALL-E....or rather "RRRON-E". It is a rather elaborate party as described below:

“RRRon-E’s Eco-Adventure” at (Our Local) Park will feature the following:

Letterboxing:
An outdoor adventure pastime started in England.
See www.letterboxing.org or www.atlasquest.org for more info.

We will have 3 letterboxes hidden at the park – the “box” will be old wipes containers re-purposed for containing a hidden stamp kit (Stamp, stamp pad, pen and logbook).

Each child will receive an “adventure kit” which will include their own personal initial stamp carved from a wine cork…Decoder ring from milk & oj carton tabs and a couple other things…. The kit will be contained in cleaned out, cut down milk cartons covered with old road maps with a strap threaded through so it can be carried over their shoulders…
Following the party, we will be hiding the party letterboxes in other local parks; if you are interested in continuing the adventure look for them at the above websites in May/June timeframe or email and I’ll provide a clue-sheet.

Wall-E style relay races:
*A race with a plant in a shoe
*Trash/treasure hunt
(The kids will be given child-sized gardening gloves that they can take home with them)
And More

Hot-Dogs and cupcakes will be served on recyclable or re-usable plates and don’t require utensils
Chip bags & drink pouches will be recycled through terracycle.net
All will be bulk-purchased to reduce packaging waste…

Old cereal/cracker boxes will be turned inside-out, decorated and used for goodie bags.

RRR = Reduce/Recycle/Reuse
RRRon-E’s adventure will be doing that in the following ways:
Reduce waste:
Buying party food in bulk reduces the amount of trash created
Not purchasing single-use goodie bags
Not using disposable plates & utensils; using a multi-use table coverings instead of single use party table coverings

Recycle:
Chip bags and drink pouches will be recycled through terracycle a New Jersey business I support through brigade collections. For more information see www.TerraCycle.net.

The goodie boxes are recyclable cardboard/paper. Please place them in your household recycling when your child is done with them.

Re-Use:
Wipe-containers will be reused as our letterboxes
Plates
Milk-cartons; pull tabs, corks, old roadmaps and cereal/cracker boxes

Both the Adventure kits and the cereal/cracker box goodie bags were ideas inspired by Maya*Made.

I'll try to post some photos of both the party and the craft projects.

Happy Birthday Ronnie! I hope your birthday party is as fun and exciting to live through as it has been to plan for.

Post Script...
Over the last few silent months I had planned many a post that obviously became less important than the day-to-day workings of our lives as a family.
I hope to fill in the blanks over the next few months, but I make no promises.
I have been a hap-hazzard blogger at best, and when life is as full as it is at the moment I can't commit to a daily or even weekly edition.
I HOPE to continue to write so that I have a record of my thoughts and life's goings on...
Blessed Be

Mothers Day 2008

Last year a friend emailed me a mother's day greeting that said something like:Happy Mother's Day - you know, that holiday where your family pretends to give you the day off and you pretend to take it.

Well, that's pretty much been my experience up to this year - not to say I didn't do ANY housework today - I still had laundry to do and had to assist with the dinner, but.....
let's start this explanation with yesterday(Saturday). RC has been getting up regularly at 6:30 for several weeks - yesterday was no exception - and it came up in conversation that I said to him he might want to try to "sleep in" on Sunday.
He answered "No Mommy, I need to get up early tomorrow to make you a special breakfast" I really didn't put much thought to that - thinking he probably meant he'd be pouring me a bowl of cereal in the morning....

However, I woke up this morning to rustling noises in the kitchen, then a slamming cabinet dooor...then the smell of coffee...
My 5 yo son RC got up at 6:30 and made the coffee himself - he had "helped" daddy and me make the coffee so many times in the past that he knew just what to do.
He also "prepared" breakfast for everyone. Breakfast was some almonds, yogurt raisins and for daddy and brother ER a whole unpeeled banana each, and for mommy a whole unpeeled grapefruit - "because that's your favorite, Mommy".

After my scrumptious breakfast I got to GO SHOPPING (for my own Mother's Day plants) ALL BY MYSELF and got to pick out exactly what I wanted.
THEN - I got to come home and PLANT THEM!

After supper - which as I mentioned above, I did have to help with...I got to put my boys to bed.

It was the best Mother's Day ever!!!!!!!

Catching-up Some - Potty Training

OK - I was looking back over my older blog posts (yeah I've got a few minutes on my hands as I wait for 110M files to save) and I was realizing I hadn't kept up with a few topics.
POTTY Training for one.

Well - except for a few accidents here and there let me just say WE ARE DONE WITH POTTY TRAINING - YAY!

We started trying with ER again over the summer. Actually - HE started going on the potty at school - and WE would praise him when we saw it marked off on his day sheets.

The first week that he had "potty success" almost daily on his sheet - we tried for it over the weekend but he wasn't interested. After the second week of success at school - we tried over the weekend and he did GREAT! And, on Monday morning while getting dressed he asked to wear big boy underwear - so I packed a bag full of extra underwear and pants and off he went to school!

It took about a month more before he had the poopie under control - and many soiled undies - though he was sometimes more civilized and went in his overnight pull-up. But by the time of his third birthday party the accidents were very far and few between!

We're still doing pull-ups overnight, but after our vacation, when the pull-ups run out NO MORE DIAPERS FOR US!

YAY!

Happy Birthday to EVAN! My little guy is 3!

Months ago, when asked what kind of birthday party he wanted this year, Evan responded DORA! DIEGO!

So, Mommy of course, complied...heck, we've been thru 2 Blue's Clues parties how hard could it be???

HMMM...

So, last Friday I took the day off to get ready for the teaming hoards of young people who would invade on Saturday and wrote the great DORA adventure!

Party highlights:
It was a BEAUTIFUL fall day and the kids played outside a LOT! YAY!

We did go inside to do the big craft event - T-shirt decorating...

Toward the end of the decorating "Swiper the Fox" showed up and stole Backpack, but left "The Map" behind.
Map told us that our BIRTHDAY ADVENTURE would be to go Thru the Bounce House, Rescu Backpack in the Garden, and come To the Canopy to find Evan's Birthday Treasure!

Unfortunately, during the adventure some of the girl party guests had some meltdowns due to fear of Swiper....(Played by Auntie D).

We went back inside when Pizza arrived and had Pizza and Cupcakes...
Then back outside to play...

All-in-All while I wouldn't call it a TOTAL success it was a pretty good day - especially for the BIRTHDAY BOY!

Pneumonia

If it's not one thing - it's another.

I've been home 3 days this week - no - not enjoying the wonderful sunny autum days - nursing a sick boy....

Evan came home sick from the weekend with Gram and Gramp on Sunday. He'd been telling them he didn't feel so good all weekend, and Sunday he started running a fever. He seemed ok overnight Sunday, but I took him to the doc on Monday morning just because he's our sneaky ear-infection boy...and she kept listening to his chest....She sent the nurse in with the nebulizer and did an albuterol treatment in the office. When she re-checked his lungs - they still sounded congested and she sent us for a chest x-ray. Sure enough the little tyke had a touch of pneumonia.

So, Monday was spent in and out of medical establishments. Yesterday and today we've been staying close to home. He's not running a fever any more, but he's still not well either. Poor little guy!

Daycare

Over the past few months, I've mentioned daycare woes.Let me start at the begining on this one.

We officially started full-time daycare in January 2006. Prior to that we had done as much home-care as we could and had done some part-time day care at two chain-centers (Goddard School and Lipton Corporate Child Care). Neither of those was financially viable as a full-time option - and even if they had been, I would not have chosen the Goddard School we used again.

We ended up at a local community run daycare, loosely associated with our public school system. From the first day there, we LOVED the center. The teachers were good, friendly and LOVED the kids. Included in the price, the kids are served breakfast (some days hot items) with fruit and milk, Lunch (almost always hot) with veggie, fruit and milk, and snacks. It was close to home and convenient for drop-off/pick-up. I got involved in the Parent Association immediately and Clark joined in a few months later.

In November of last year, the Director of the center, who had been there for more than two decades resigned. She took a position as a kindergarten teacher in the township.Since then, things have been in a slow crumble. The day-to-day care has continued pretty well, but we have gone LONG periods of time with no director; we had one for 6-8 weeks (Feb Mar time frame) one "acting" Director for 6-8 weeks (June-Aug time frame) and now have another. In addition, a new Asst Director was hired in April and the old one left in June. There have been long stretches of time with no leadership - no point-person - no one who had ALL the information about what was going on - no one who was totally RESPONSIBLE.

The parents association started bringing this up as an issue (along with other items) at the March meeting - by June we had all been labeled as troublemakers. I really didn't think too much of that until late-July/early August when the following happened:

I had been keeping loosely in-touch with a former center staff member who sent me information about how the parents association had been presented to the acting director and what actions were going to be taken.
1)The acting director was told that we had written to the board of directors with our issues without "going through channels"; and that we were being unreasonable about our requests - we were requesting staff coverage of the front entrance for all hours of business.
2)Further, the parents association was going to be disbanded and new parents would be hand-selected who were "committed to the center".
3)Then, one of the main teachers in Ronnie's classroom went on vacation. A teacher who loves him very much. The whole time she was away, I was told every day that Ronnie had had behavior issues. As soon as she returned the issues vanished. It really made me wonder about what was going on in that room...what the teachers were being told etc.

At the begining of August I had half-heartedly begun looking for other places. For reasons 1&2 above, and because we're starting to worry about kindergarten...our town only does 1/2 day and the before-and-after care associated with the school has a bad reputation. So one of our requirements if we were going to "bail" from the current situation was for the new center to have kindergarten offered. I went to and/or called at least a dozen centers between home and work. It was CRAZY - in the sort-of affordable price range - there was no one that offered everything you'd want. Of course for 300-800 more a month per child....one place even had a swimming pool.We settled around 3:
#1 we're on the waiting list for - and has almost everything we'd want - the drawback for this one is that it is associated with the Catholic Church and closes the month of July.
#2 is in a strip mall - the classrooms have half-walls separating them from each other and the play area is across the parking lot. This one is a single-proprieter who has one other center. Plusses are that they do the nap-time laundry as well as food. In addition to offering kindergarten they also offer before&after care and our town will bus to them.
#3 is a brand-new facility but is corporate-owned and has that "by-the-book" feel. They have a wonderful in-door play area as well as a decent outdoor area. BUT - they do not offer food in the price or even as an add-on.

Then item 3 happened - and that brought back memories of having seen some things happen with the pre-school classroom that weren't to my liking...and one of those was hammered home by the child of a friend being asked to leave the center and labled ADHD.

I became convinced I had to have the kids - esp. Ronnie OUT of there. So, last week, I paid the "enrollment" fee at #2 and scheduled the kids to start there in a couple of weeks.

I gave notice last Friday at our current center - and still have mixed emotions about the whole thing. Clark asked me on Friday "What are we gaining by doing this?" and one thing is kindergarten and a presumably better before-after-care program, but besides that? I don't really know. All I know is that I'm not comfortable with the current situation anymore. What makes it harder is that I loved it so much for a while.

Thoughts on Mortality

(Not morality - morTality)
"Having children can change the things you think about." -That's a no brainer you say??

Well, one day while I was driving home I think I took it to a new level.

I have a close friend who's mother died before she turned 4, her mother left not only her, but a younger brother and an infant sister as well. Within a year, my friend's father had remarried (I imagine in self-defense, it was the early 70's Mr Mom was over a decade away). My friend grew up with this new person being her mother. Her birth mother did not abandon her, was not legally separated from her, but was ripped away from her by some sort of brain hemmorage. Her maternal grandparents lived many states distant and she grew up not knowing them - it was never clear whether this was by their doing or by my friends father and new wife. Her father and "mother" did keep photo albums of her mother and momentos of her early years locked away, and the facts were NEVER allowed to be spoken.I have known this story since our college days. It has always bothered me when I've allowed myselfe to think about it. But other than the one or two times my friend needed to get it out of her system and talk it remains a secret garden - hidden/overgrown/forgotten. She has only hints of memory of her mother...more of the chaos sthat ensued after her death than any concrete memories of the person who gave her life.

My children are similar in age to 2 of the 3 left behind by this mother. My connections to them are so vibrant, but what would happen if I wasn't here any more? Would they remember the times we've snuggled for hours? Would they remember the silly faces and giggling? Would they remember how much I have loved them?

I hope those questions never need answers.

BLUE'S CLUES 2 - Birthday Partying with Blue

Well, the 4th birthday was a BIG success!

Everything was ready when birthday guests started arriving...The boys had taken naps!!!!And everyone arrived "on time"- around 4pm.
So party games were able to start together...
Blues Clues "Notebooks" were passed around and Blue explained that we were trying to find clues to figure out what the BIG PARTY SURPRISE would be.
We all made Blue's Banana Pops for a nice snack to keep us happy while we did other things.The 1st CLUE was discovered as clean-up from the pops was under way - and everyone drew a WALL in their handy dandy notebook.
We quickly morphed into CRAFT activities of bug building and t-shirt painting.Blue's 2nd clue was discovered out the window, as that activity became less interesting and everyone drew a SLIDE in their notebook.
As the party was making it's way to the play room the 3rd clue "bounced" in to the room and everyone continued on to the "Thinking Chair"
My niece Rebekah was the first to figure out what the BIG SURPRISE was and then there was a mad rush to the door!
The kids had a BLAST on the Bounce House! Played on it and the other outside structures for quite some time....got them back inside with calls of presents and pizza....and then it was all over.
I'd call it a BIG SUCCESS! The kids were always focused on an activity - there was no fighting, no crying - just FUN!!!!
YAY!

Birthday Party Eve

Well - Tomorrow is the big day.
As hard as it is to believe, Ronnie turned 4 on Monday, but tomorrow is his PARTY! He requested another Blue's Clues Party several months ago...and everyone is set for a fun-filled afternoon.
Last year I was SO prepared for the Blue's Clues party - this year I've got A LOT more to do in the next 24 hours and I'm a little worried.

I have to go shopping today for a bunch of stuff...and put together goodie bags...and straighten the house...and figure out how to keep 7 sets of fingers from banging on the Piano tomorrow. (YES we have a piano now- will blog more later.)
The clues this year will be leading to the bounce house pictured above. I had started thinking about getting one of these SEVERAL weeks ago and hesitated to spend the money. SO, I got to the Tuesday before the party, yes 4-10 and still had no idea what we were going to do. On Wednesday I started calling everywhere I could think to call to see if anyone had any in stock to pickup - NO LUCK. So I went on ebay to try to find a local place - NO LUCK. So I called one of the ebay stores and asked how much it would cost for 2 day shipping....the lady said it would double the price. BUT she also said that normal ground delivery from her (Illinois) to New Jersey should only take 2 days. So, I ordered it and started praying!
Thankfully someone was listening - it is right now sitting on the UPS delivery truck ready to be dropped off at my house.

Unfortunately my prayers did not include weather wishes...and it is kinda iffy for tomorrow.
I do have a bunch of activities lined up so that if the bounce doesn't work for this party - at least we'll still have fun stuff to do.
T-shirt decorating....with special fabric markers and beads...

Banana Pop Creations - bananas with PB or Yogurt dipped in crunchy toppings YUM

Egg Carton Bugs...

Pin the pawprint on Blue

And of course playing BLUES CLUES!!!
More to come....

Spring is the Thing!!

I know I haven't written much lately - it's those conflicts of work vs motherhood again.I'll write all about it once the conflict (ie the work) has settled down to a manageable level.

On a brighter note - SPRING HAS SPRUNG! - below are some thoughts on these two topics...

For the love of gardening is a seed that once sown never dies, but always grows and grows to an enduring and ever increasing source of happiness. Gertrude Jekyll

Spring Cleaning
Time for tulips, worms, resurrection
The tulips open and close, open and close
Like breathing wings
Testing the possibility of spring
Time for dawn to lick out the last
Of that rich dark bowl of night
And bleed her own colors into the world
Branches that were bare just last week
Shoot volleys of blossom in the sun
And green wood on the apple tree takes off
Like an arrow into the sky
Even old beams in the house begin to softly sing
Of leaves and the fresh arc of wind
Time to take a spade and shove sharply
With your heel in its old rubber boot-
TURN OVER YOUR LIFE
See what survived, shake out the bugs
Get some air in the roots
Throw out piles of papers,
Unfinished projects
Like layers of old mulch
In the morning your heart is still
A cupped leaf holding dew
If you can match that stillness
And look into the sweet water of your own heart
You may catch the wild promise, a goddess just waking
The magic of your own rebirth

Miriam Dyak 1996

There Is a Need to ROAR
So, where do we go to ROAR
Where do we stand and stomp and shout
Where do we clench our fists and bubble like lava
There's no place to ROAR but this white flat page
(which chars at my touch)
To ROAR with such power and rage and anguish
That people run, windows break
Rocks leap, and trees grip the earth
To ROAT with such ferocity and fangs and spit
That the jagged ripples wreck and wreak havoc
Sidewalks split, buckle and grind to dust
Cars flip and collide like toys, asphalt melts and returns
To its prehistoric liquid pit in the earth
To ROAR and vibrate with every angry molecule who already
Exists aching for expression
Summon volcanoes and earthquakes
Tidal waves and tornadoes who wait for just this moment
Join the universal burn
The need to ignite, to change, to start over, to cleanse
Open your mouth wide
Because there is a need to ROAR

Elizabeth Kelly 2005

Being the Mommy I always wanted to be

I think every mom must start out with ideas of how she wants to be and the kinds of things she wants to do with her children. I know I did.
And then you have your babies...and you love them and you cuddle them... but everyday life crushes in on you. The house cleaning and maintenance , the laundry, feeding your family - and for a large number of us full or part-time employment. And that's not even taking into account the sleepless nights with sick babies - teething babies or babies who just won't sleep.
I always dreamed of being the perfect mommy; patient, letting the kids help with everything, teaching them all sorts of things about nature, music etc.
I certainly don't have the level of patience I thought I'd have. In fact - when I stop and look at my own behavior sometimes I'm amazed at my LACK of patience. I get so frustrated when the boys are boys and talk back, when they make messes with their food, when they won't go easily for naps or bedtime or when they won't clean up after themselves.
I don't get to do nearly as many activities with the boys as I'd like. I've been wanting to start Ronnie playing the violin....I've been talking about making pine cone bird feeders with them all winter....the weekends are always too short.
And I'm not alone, not that I've spoken with a ton of other moms, but the ones I know feel the same. They don't measure up to what they wanted to be. EVEN THE STAY AT HOME MOMS say they don't have as much patience with their kids as they'd like to have.
I know that at least part of the issue for me is sleep deprivation. I have caught myself yelling at the boys at the drop of a hat when I'm down on sleep (ie when Evan isn't sleeping well). When I'm regularly sleeping through the night I have a little more patience.
But that is certainly not the whole issue. And neither is not working outside the home. It's also not a lack of love and affection for the kids. I just adore my boys and love snuggling and doing things with them.......
So, what is it? Is it a normal part of motherhood to feel you don't measure up? To loose your cool completely on occaision?
I know that just being able to sit back and observe myself helps sometimes. I try a little harder the next time to have a little more patience...
And like I said I think that things have gotten a little better since Evan has been sleeping better. I just hope that I can keep it going in a positive direction; have more of the positive attitude that I'd ALWAYS like to have with my boys.
And so the quest continues.....to find the inner mommy, to find the patience I used to have for nieces and nephews and children of friends.......